When you are up there
by A-whisper-of-a-thrill
Summary: "Love is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else, you're there forever. Because if you move, right, you fall." What if Naomi couldn't accept that she is gay?


**Naomily – Emily: scene on the roof **

**AN: This is AU. I wrote this when I had seen the preview of Emily standing on the rooftop, my fantasy went wild with what could have happened and well I took some elements out of my own life and mixed them with the Skins storyline and this is the result. I am sorry for spelling/grammar errors but English isn't my first language. **

**Please read and review:)**

**disclaimer: I don't own Skins and I don't get paid for writing this (unfortunately:p)**

I was living on the edge for a while now thinking about what I had lost and being confronted with it almost every day was becoming to much for my broken heart to bare. I couldn't take it anymore, I could no longer take the torture that I had to endure everyday at school. I was being consumed by the memories, the self-destructive thoughts that ran consistently through my mind. I had never tried anything though, that is until now… I was standing on the roof were we once kissed in the pouring rain.

I remember her soft lips over mine, her warm tongue in my mouth and her long fingers in my hair. I remember the urge, the passion in her kisses but never the love she pretended to have for me. I remember her looking around before she kissed me, making sure no one would see us. She wanted to keep us a secret and I agreed because I was more than happy to have her just for myself, even if that meant that I couldn't touch her unless we were locked up in my bedroom or hers or even a dirty bathroom for that matter. I thought she wanted to keep us a secret because she wasn't ready to handle the stares or rude comments we would get from our classmates. Later on I discovered that it was only because she didn't want them to think that she was gay when she was not. But more importantly she didn't want him to think that he would never have a chance with her.

I was content with our relationship because I knew that I loved her with my whole heart and that I would do everything for her, I also thought she felt the same about me. I would have jumped off of a cliff if she had asked me to. I had stayed numerous nights at her house, comforting her when she thought she couldn't handle life anymore. I knew, no, I felt she was in pain so I tried everything in my power to make her happy, to make clear that I would always be there for her and that I loved her more than she would ever be able to comprehend. And in return she said she loved me too, even though it didn't reach her eyes and never reached my heart. Of course I believed her when she said I was her everything and she had probably meant it because there was no one else at the moment. There hadn't been a guy who said he loved her and comforted her until deep in the dark night when she was drowning in her even darker thoughts. There was only a girl who gave her a loving but fragile heart and she was more than happy to accept it.

There was only a small, soft shoulder to cry on and slender arms to hold her close. And she settled for it even if she longed for a muscular, hard shoulder and strong arms to protect her from the world that had done her so much wrong.

At first she was able to suppress the longing but soon she knew I would never be enough, she knew that she wasn't like me, that she didn't like girls and that she just needed someone to love her even if she couldn't love them in return. She was aware that she was just using me until the next guy would come along. But she didn't expect me to know and I never did until I saw her with him. Until I saw what she was like when she was truly in love. It was then I realised that I was used, that I had meant nothing to her. And now I was the one who was consumed by dark thoughts. And unlike her, I had no one to help me through it. I only had my anti- depressants to help me trough the day. A day filled with watching them hug and kiss in front of me and hearing them whisper sweet nothings to each other and I couldn't do shit about it.

Knowing that she never suffered from our break-up because she had lost nothing. Knowing that she was never truly mine although I had given her all of me and she never gave any of it in return because that was what she was: a needy girl who wanted all the love she could get her hands on even if that meant killing the person she was taking it from. Because that was what she had done. She had taken all of me and now there was nothing left. I had lost everything.

I closed my eyes, taking in the fresh air. Treasuring the little bit of life she had left in me because in a couple of seconds it would be gone too. I would go back to reality, finally meeting the hard ground that I left when I fell in love with her. Finally I will be able to sleep again without her haunting my dreams. A long dreamless sleep was all that I had longed for…

And with a final step I made my last thoughts of her disappear in eternal darkness.

A final thought crossing my mind before I hit the ground:

_I love you Naomi…_


End file.
